Questions to Ask Your Child After Practice
Better questions lead to better conversations. Ask about effort, learning, and resilience—not just outcomes.
The Problem
"How was practice?"
"Fine."
End of conversation.
Every parent knows this exchange. Your kid just spent an hour running, learning, competing - and all you get is one word. It's not that they don't want to talk. It's that "how was practice?" is too vague to answer meaningfully.
The questions you ask shape the conversation. And the conversations you have shape how your child thinks about their own development.
Why Questions Matter
The questions you ask after practice do more than satisfy your curiosity. They:
Signal what you value. Ask about winning, and your child learns that's what matters. Ask about effort and learning, and they internalize that instead.
Build self-reflection habits. Kids who learn to think about how they're improving become better learners in everything - not just sports.
Give you insight into the environment. The answers reveal whether the coaching is healthy, whether your child feels safe to make mistakes, and whether they're actually developing.
Open the door to real conversation. Specific questions get specific answers. That's where connection happens.
Growth Mindset: A Quick Primer
Psychologist Carol Dweck's research shows that kids (and adults) generally fall into two mindsets:
Fixed mindset
"I'm either good at this or I'm not. Talent is everything."
Growth mindset
"I can improve with effort. Struggle is part of learning."
Kids with a growth mindset are more resilient, more willing to try hard things, and less likely to quit when it gets difficult.
The questions you ask can reinforce either mindset. Questions about outcomes ("Did you win? Did you score?") reinforce fixed thinking. Questions about process ("What did you work on? What was hard?") reinforce growth.
Questions That Build Confidence and Growth
About Effort and Challenge
"What was the hardest thing you did today?"
Normalizes struggle. Shows you value effort, not just success.
"Did you try anything that felt uncomfortable or scary?"
Celebrates courage. Kids learn that pushing boundaries is good.
"What's something you kept working on even when it was frustrating?"
Reinforces persistence. The goal is to keep going, not to be perfect.
About Learning and Improvement
"Did coach teach you anything new? Can you show me?"
Makes learning tangible. Bonus: they reinforce it by teaching you.
"What's one thing you're getting better at?"
Builds awareness of progress. Even small improvements count.
"Was there something you couldn't do last week that you can do now?"
Creates a growth narrative. They start to see themselves as someone who improves.
About the Environment
"Did you get to try things without worrying about messing up?"
Reveals psychological safety. Kids need to feel safe to fail.
"Did coach help you when you were stuck, or did you have to figure it out alone?"
Shows whether coaching is supportive. Both have value, but kids need guidance.
"Did everyone get a chance to play/participate?"
Indicates fairness. Early specialization of "starters" at young ages is a red flag.
About Connection and Fun
"Who did you work with today? What did you do together?"
Social development is half the point of youth sports.
"What was the most fun part?"
Keeps joy in the picture. If nothing was fun, that's a signal.
"Did you laugh at all during practice?"
Simple litmus test for healthy environment.
About Setbacks
"Did anything not go the way you wanted? What happened?"
Opens the door to process disappointment in a safe space.
"What do you think you'll try differently next time?"
Shifts from "I failed" to "I'm learning." Future-focused, not stuck in the past.
"Did coach or teammates help you when something went wrong?"
Reveals team culture. Support during struggle builds resilience.
Questions to Avoid (or Reframe)
Instead of:
"Did you win?"
Try:
"How did the scrimmage go? What worked well?"
Instead of:
"Did you score/make the play?"
Try:
"Did you get a chance to try [skill]? How did it feel?"
Instead of:
"Were you the best?"
Try:
"Who did something impressive today? What did you do that you're proud of?"
Instead of:
"Why didn't you [do X]?"
Try:
"What was going through your head when [situation]?"
Instead of:
"Did the coach play you enough?"
Try:
"Did you feel like you got good chances to practice?"
The goal isn't to ignore competition - it's to make competition about growth, not just outcomes.
Reading Between the Lines
Your child's answers tell you a lot about the environment:
Healthy signs:
- • They can name something they learned
- • They talk about teammates positively
- • They mention mistakes without shame
- • They're tired but happy
- • Coach's name comes up in positive context
Warning signs:
- • They can't name anything they worked on
- • They seem anxious about performance
- • They avoid talking about it entirely
- • They only mention winning/losing
- • They say they "weren't good enough"
One bad day isn't a pattern. But if warning signs persist, it's worth a conversation with the coach - or reconsidering the environment.
Make It a Habit
You don't need to ask all these questions every time. Pick one or two. Rotate them. The goal is to build a habit of reflection - for both of you.
Some families do this in the car ride home. Others at dinner. Find what works for you.
The key is consistency. Over time, your child will start thinking about these things on their own. That's the real win.
The Takeaway
The questions you ask shape how your child thinks about their own development. Ask about effort, learning, and resilience - and that's what they'll internalize.
Sports are one of the best classrooms for growth mindset. Your questions are the curriculum.
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